According to a friend, about a year after their mother died, they tried convincing their father to remarry but he bluntly refused. Yet, his perpetual unhappiness was not lost on them. He even seemed to be succumbing to old age at a worrisome rate.
A few years later, any time they called to check on him, he would respond with ‘’I am fine but lonely.’’
So, they knew they had to do something about it.
Luckily for them, when they brought up the matter again, he agreed. And a widow in her 50s was introduced to him.
My friend said she had never seen her daddy so happy. The story came up because the couple had just returned to the country from their overseas vacation.
They spent about two months with her and her family and she attested to what her dad had been saying about his new wife that she was a good woman.
A wedding that I attended in February 2023 had a man seated not far from us. I only began to observe the man when I was told about him.
According to my companion, he is married to the mother of the groom. The woman remarried five years after she lost her husband.
His wife was very busy with activities in the reception hall but she came at intervals to make sure he was OK. He seemed the quiet type. But he is handsome. And said to be a widower.
When the groom’s family was asked to dance in the hall, I noticed that he did not stand up. His wife and the groom’s paternal relations did that. And I respected that man for that.
When the chips are down, the only set of men who have peace in their marriage are those who recognise and marry women who are suitable for them. And not their fantasy.
The men described above are still in their sixties, so the funds and options wouldn’t have been a problem if they sought to marry younger women but I see them as men who chose reality over delusion.
The tales coming from the camp of older men with very young wives are disturbing. I refuse to apportion blame except to remind these men that self-delusion cannot get in the way of the inevitable when the chips are down.
You have been married before, widowed or divorced with grown-up children who are probably starting their own family, what else are you looking for in the hands of someone who is half your age, if not a headache?
A man I know to be in his 60s but divorced overseas met and married a lady in her 20s. He said his experience with her felt like a burden due to her cantankerous disposition. She eventually took her own life after just one child. The doctors said it was depression.
It is possible that part of what led to her depression is the mismatch in their energy. She had so much in her to give but he was at an “easy does it” phase of his life.
Older men should not be in a hurry to grab the young options that abound here. Because, years down the line, it’s not peace that you will harvest from that setting but stress.
I know that home people are quick to find “a young wife” for their own but please wear a reality tinted glass on these matters.
In seeking companionship or going into a remarriage, run with the reality of your current age and not the desires of your lustful heart. And save yourself some needless stress.
Yes, we know that a man can still procreate at an advanced age but the question remains, do you have the stamina to be an active father in that child’s life?
Will that child still meet daddy very much around when they grow up? Why must your happiness and sense of fulfilment be tied to what is mostly not in your control?
I want to see older men going for women within their age bracket in marriage. And not the agemates of their children and grandchildren.
I want to see older men who are intentional about quality companionship. I want to see older men who are not tying their happiness to fantasies but to reality.
We shouldn’t be glamorising the reality of young girls going for men who are older than their fathers in marriage.
Whichever way you look at this, the men will always end up the victims. Age is no longer on their side and they mostly bend backwards to keep these girls.
And that brings unimaginable stress on them.
There’s a certain stress that nobody deserves at certain stages in their lives but will the lust for nubile bodies let our older men listen?
Credit: Chukwuneta Oby