Studies have shown that couples in peaceful, reliable, stable and trusting long-term relationships have higher blood level oxytocin; a body chemical that stabilise attachment, improves coperation and facilitates sensations of joy and love than couple who are not in a stable relationship. The couples who stay together happily for a long time also enjoy other benefits like longer life span, little or lower rate of alcoholism, depression and they recover more rapidly from accidental injury. Even proven scientifically, long term relationships are the best.
Sadly, sexual attraction between these happy couples dating each other over a long period of time can drop drastically. Their sex lives can go from bubbling to non-existent and this can be a detrimental factor to the growth of the relationship. Not only couples in long term relationships suffer from the death of sexual chemistry, couples in short term relationships also are affected. It can die within years, months or weeks. Sometimes, it happens so fast, you are not sure what went wrong between you both. The chemistry that was blazing hot had suddenly frozen.
In order to revive your dead and gone sex life, these are some of the steps to take:
Find Out Why
You need to be bold enough to call your partner to ask him/her what is going on. The problem may not even be with your body or the sex itself. It may be that your partner is having a hard time at school, work or with his/her family and that is putting so much pressure on him. When you are asking, make sure you are not being rude or too pushy. Be smart and let them know it’s not just the sex you are worried about, but you are concerned about them too. If it is sure that the problem is not any of the above, politely ask him what is going on. Be ready to accept whatever he says and work on it. Do not get offended and defensive when he says something. Listen to him and reassure him of how things would change henceforth.
Figure Out HOW
Most couples often tackle the why and not the how. They just want to know why things had gone so cold without finding what exactly it is they are doing that made the sex dead; which is the How. The sex could be dead because you do the same thing over and over. The only time you have sex is when you are on the bed looking into each other’s eyes. Sex life could also drop drastically if they put other things like their career as priority instead of themselves. They no longer see a point to improve on the home turf because they feel their main duties are providing and catering for the family. To most, sex is a routinal plus. Move away from routine and spice things up by introducing new positions, sex toys; if he is up to the adventure. You can make use of aphrodisiacs to make things interesting. The most common aphrodisiac is chocolate. Do not be afraid of change, embrace it totally. You can also talk about your fantasies and then work on it. Also, when you get ahead of things before time, it ruins the chemistry. The sex could be zero because you both did not get to know each other properly before you delved into it. It may also be that he/she is not interested in sex. Take a little break from each other and let his testosterone rise to a healthy level so that can be interested in you again.
Discover WHAT
Most women see sex as a way of getting back at their husbands or getting something from him; like material things or money he had initially refused to get them. Sex has turned into business transaction instead of the love act it was meant to be. You have to think deep and discover what you are doing that is putting him off. It could also be that you do not take care of yourself enough like you used to when you first met. He wants to get home to meet a woman that still turns him on, not one that the body language practically screams “DO NOT TOUCH ME”. Men are visually stimulated, they want to see things that say “I’m ready for you”. If he comes home and you are tying wrapper and a very big blouse with hair net or your hair in a mess, you are definitely pushing him away. Dress sexier for him. If you think your weight is an hinderance to looking or dressing sexy, lose it. Figuring what you are doing wrong is a major key to reviving the dead sex life in your relationship.
When you’ve figured out these problems, you can then start working on how you can fix them to take the sex to an even higher level. These are some of the things you can do to fix and improve your sex life:
Be Ready To Meet Him Halfway: when you’ve both talked out what the problem is and you have talked on possible solutions to enjoy each other more in the bedroom, be ready to accept the conditions placed down and work towards them. If he wants you to go shopping for sexier dresses to wear in the house or he want lingeries, sex toys etc, you should be ready to oblige. You want the sex life to change, you should be ready to change too; although the changes should not be one-sided. The man should make an effort to also change for his woman or make provisions to make the change possible.
Foreplay can do no wrong: A good foreplay makes things so much interesting and exciting. It spices things up. Love his/her body, discover the many places on her body that make her squirm. Use your tongue, hands generously. Scratch, bite, nibble, suck, kiss all curves and edges. Pay attention to her body and let your expression and actions show that you love not just her body but you love the things you are doing to her body. Show her that her satisfaction is the utmost thing on your mind.
Take a sex break: you can go on break for a little while and while you are on break, make sure you make them anticipate going off sex holiday. Send dirty messages filled with sensual promises, send naughty pictures that will make them hot all over. Sexting has proven to help revive many dead sex lives, use it your advantage. Anticipation is good; make them anticipate what is coming.
Spend quality time together: take out time to see each other and go out on dates as often as you can. Talk extensively about everything and always tackle conflict maturedly. Do not let arguments build into fights and if you fight, make sure you sort it out quickly. Emotional stress can damage sexual intimacy. Hug, hold hands, kiss more often. Say how much you love your partner as often as possible. Keep things as fresh as you first started when you could not wait to tell him/her how much they mean to you. Send a messaage out of the blues or a voice note. Keep things just as exciting as you began. (Alice Temitope Dako, 360nobs).