When my husband came for my hand in marriage, I was only 24 years old and my mother refused to have me married.
My mother was working very hard for me to get into the university that year and that’s the reason she gave for refusing his proposal to marry me. But my husband went through two of my uncles (my dad is late) and they convinced my mother to let me go, promising her that even before having children, I would enter the university, as that was the assurance that my husband gave to them.
When I went into the marriage and raised the issue of my education, my husband told me that he and his mother had decided that I should have all my children first before talking about school…so that I don’t get distracted when I start.
I didn’t like that twist to the story but I kept quiet because I discovered that I was already pregnant.
My mother was so pained by his refusal to keep the promise he made about my education that she refused to visit when I had my babies…twin girls.
You don’t want to imagine the depression that not having my mum around caused me.
My babies were barely over a year old when their father started talking about us having another child and that’s when I told him that I couldn’t think of having another child without getting into school, first.
Do you know that what I thought was still a conversation between husband and wife had already reached the ears of his mother?
The next thing I knew some days later was a knock at the door one morning that I was making breakfast for the children.
When I opened the door, his mother was there and what this woman told me was that she had come to know who gave me the audacity to dictate to the son when he would have children in his marriage.
I didn’t know what to say to her.
So, I told her that I was making food for the children, who had already started crying and turned to leave.
The next thing I felt was her hand grabbing my dress, shaking me and asking, “How dare you turn away when I am still talking?”
I held her hand to stop her from hitting me.
The woman started screaming that I wanted to kill her.
Neighbours gathered and led her away.
Some hours later, her son came home. And without asking me what happened, he said to me, “You can now leave my house with your children.”
The children are teenagers now, yet he never asked of them for one day in all these years.
Only God knows that I did not hit that woman, despite her physical assault on me.
A few years later, I got a lawyer involved so that the court could compel him to start taking care of the children’s welfare.
He showed up only once and told the court that he is struggling to even feed but I should feel free to keep the children and that if things improve for him, he will reach out with support.
A few months later, what I heard was that he had moved into his new house and even remarried.
When I approached my lawyer again to notify the court of what was going on, he advised me to just move on with my life and children and forget about the man.
I am about to remarry.
Would you blame me for giving my father’s name to my children, since their father wants nothing to do with them?
I went back to school after I left his house.
It was my mother who was minding the children while I was in school and also funding my education.
She still lives with us due to her health challenges.”
Credit: Chukwuneta Oby