The first category of people whose conduct I find utterly off-putting are those who include their account details in their text messages requesting financial assistance. It is highly inconsiderate to impose such demands on anyone who hasn’t been entrusted with your money. This behaviour often comes from individuals who only remember your existence when they need help.
At the very least, show some courtesy by waiting for a response before sending your account details—unless, of course, you’re asked for them. Many times, people begin to view you as a nuisance not without reason, but because your actions give them cause to do so.
Having self-respect means knowing how and when to approach others for help. It also entails bearing certain discomforts until circumstances improve. You shouldn’t seek someone to bail you out at every challenging moment in life—there’s such a thing as perseverance.
One of the greatest hallmarks of self-respect is understanding the appropriateness of your requests. For instance, January is typically a financially tight month for many people. Rather than adding to their stress, take steps during the “ember” months to prepare for January’s economic challenges. Except in situations beyond your control, it’s unwise to begin the year by begging for assistance. It’s not fair to others, and it’s a disservice to your own dignity.
The second category of people I wish to address are parents who feel compelled to inform friends about their child’s birthday, complete with their account details attached. Turning a child’s birthday into an opportunity to solicit money is distasteful. Unfortunately, like many other questionable practices, this trend has gained traction.
It’s perfectly acceptable to notify friends about your child’s birthday if your aim is to receive their well-wishes and prayers. However, attaching your account details to such messages reflects a lack of self-respect and contentment. Of course, it’s a different matter if friends specifically request the child’s account details.
Your presence in others’ lives should not become a nuisance. If you cannot contribute positively, at least maintain a healthy dose of self-respect.
The next category of people I wish to address are those who routinely send prayers to others but often accompany these prayers with economic requests. I’ve experienced this so frequently that I’ve begun withholding my “Amen” from such prayers, which seem to come with strings attached.
I love prayers and deeply believe in their power, but prayers should not come with implicit pressure to give. It’s perfectly fine to seek support occasionally, but using prayer broadcasts as a pretext for financial solicitation creates unnecessary pressure on the recipients.
I’ve come to realise that the average Nigerian is often unaware of the emotional and financial strain they place on those around them. Becoming a nuisance in the lives of those in your space is something every reasonable person should consciously avoid. People shouldn’t have to read your messages and pretend they didn’t see them. They shouldn’t feel compelled to dodge your calls or avoid you altogether simply because you’ve failed to acknowledge that others have their own struggles and that their lives don’t revolve around your issues.
Recently, a friend approached me for assistance with her daughter’s school fees. I told her that the only reason she assumes I’m doing better than her is that I don’t broadcast my challenges. Many of us, who are perceived as “comfortable,” are simply individuals who refrain from asking every Tom, Dick, and Harry in our space for help.
We can always do with some support but we are often too self-conscious to ask for it. Yet, people are quick to conclude that we are comfortable.
It’s only in the mind of the average Nigerian that self-respect reads “affluent’’.
Nigerians don’t believe that someone who is not begging for help at the slightest opportunity is not grappling with challenges.
Credit: Chukwuneta Oby