“Social Media will bring your legs outside” was my reaction to the hullabaloo that greeted an actress’ marriage recently, after a blog claimed that their union is her groom’s fourth attempt at marriage.
Don’t be surprised that, that information was leaked by someone the couple considered a friend. It’s not in all cases that a bitter ex-partner is responsible for our hurt or embarrassment.
There’s always someone who will anonymously give the world “your gist”.
How much truth or twistedness such contains often depends on the tale bearer’s mood or the level of ‘poto-poto’ (mud) they want to rub on that smiling face.
When the actress had her fancy engagement and her Oga’s face was hidden, I knew there was more to her marital reality. A lot of the times that people hide the identity of their spouse, it’s often for fear of the public hearing or knowing more than they dare to let out.
Anyway, here are a few realities that I feel we should keep in mind about serial marriage and divorce.
Even if this is the man’s fourth marriage (as claimed by the blog), everyone deserves another chance with love, if they meet someone who speaks to their soul.
Being a serial divorcee does not mean that someone can’t meet a partner they can end up with and the experience will be positively different. People heal us too, especially with their energy.
Let us hope the groom has finally met the woman, whose love will make him realise why it never worked out with anyone else.
Sometimes, ‘divorce after divorce’ does not mean that someone is a bad person. It’s often a sign that they were not yet in a good (emotional) place at the time they made certain marital choices.
Being a serial divorcee is a huge minus…as far as social perception and research are concerned. Countless studies have given serial divorces a thumbs-down when it comes to the sustainability of marriage.
People may argue that the person (who has been serially divorced) is coming into the marriage with a lot of experience. Yet, studies show that first marriage is the hardest to walk away from but if that ever happens, quitting can happen again and again and again.
When it’s more than a second marital journey, I am worried!
In most cases, what the person going into a third or fourth marriage needs is NOT marriage (at least NOT right away) but a journey within…to know what it is their pattern (marry and quit) is telling them about WHO they are.
Some people who are busy looking for a husband or wife will be more fulfilled in non-marital relationships.
After a failed marriage and you venture into a second one, the first shock that will hit you is that nobody is always better than the other. People are just different.
A subsequent marriage will even task a serial divorcee more because they will be in a perpetual mode to “prove” they are not the problem and that will stress their mental health.
Nobody who has no patience succeeds in marriage. And nothing spells IMPATIENCE like a serial marriage.
Marriage is not about who can fit into our idea of an ideal partner, it’s more about working on ourselves so that we can give our very best to a marital reality.
A lot of the trying moments that people encounter in marriage is an invitation to truly look within and not to hop on the search for a ‘’better person’’.
Again, there are people that marriage is not meant for. And a lot of us don’t realise this early until we have damaged someone or become damaged in the process.
It’s easy to zoom off in search of another wife or husband who will ‘‘love you for who you are” but if you have not truly looked within continuously, the story will be the same.
Men should equally understand that being a man does not spare you from the consequences of being a serial divorcee.
The more divorce ‘papers’ you pack under your belt, the leaner your chances of finding a “worthy love”.
Some missteps sicken your aura and the “worthy” ones stop showing up on your path. Once the baggage is too much, the agenda with which anybody looks your way gets bigger.
The safest option is to bend down and work on what you have at hand.
Every other person you meet out there could be hiding the shovel with which they have come to mine their gold in your yard.
There can’t be a more depressing reality than knowing that what you call marriage is not “for better or worse”. But, “for as long as the tap of your good fortunes runs well”.
Credit: Chukwuneta Oby