Why am I making YOU the focus, here?
Because you are the one disturbed enough to seek help!
Therefore, it’s important to point you to strategies within your control. The heart of another person is one of the things you can’t control in life.
Back to the discourse. With people who mostly live in their heads, what should be a non-issue often becomes one.
They take things way too seriously, because they have had to OVERTHINK it.
You will be helping her if you inform her LESS of anything you are doing for/with your mum since her mind can’t handle it.
Every mature person knows what a spouse can/cannot handle.
Sometimes, to shield them (from their fragile mindset), you keep certain details to yourself.
With a spouse who doesn’t like outings, you encourage them by coming along. For example, if there is a comedy show in town, buy tickets for both of you or by actively participating in an event you want them to be a part of.
Familiarity is their emotional anchor. Suggest they come along with you for a walk or some other physical activities.
The idea is to create avenues for a ‘couples’ time.’And to enable them offload what’s on their mind.
If you (who knows better) don’t make the efforts, nothing will change!
I don’t think her disposition has anything to do with ‘not being loyal.’ As for ‘not showing you respect’, sometimes, it’s not so much as how others behave towards us than it is our perception of self. We must also recognise when the ego in us is on the driver’s seat.
My point is this, once you tell yourself ‘it’s not important’, then it truly becomes a non-issue. I also encourage couples to earnestly see themselves as EQUALS. It helps put the ego strictly in its place.
When you relate as equals, you are not quick to ‘calculate’ what a spouse is not doing right. Young men need to understand that of all the vices that can ruin a marriage FAST in this age, RIGIDITY tops the list!
Finally, men keep ‘side chicks’ because they want to. It’s never a virtue to justify one’s vices. Just realise that stolen moments are more enticing because they are stolen and not frequent.
Once you are left to do as you like with them, you will realise that they are just there.
There is no Eldorado with anybody out there. Everyone has their unique vices/flaws.
You could meet the one who is so respectful, humble and obedient but sleeps around. You won’t even know when you will start wishing for someone like your spouse even with all her stubbornness.
Most people you cheat on a spouse with, you may not even last three months with in marriage!
But your wife, you have lived with for a whopping 12 years and counting. Don’t forget that you have some flaws that a spouse finds intolerable as well. The type of flaws that can even make another person bail out on you fast.
Marriage becomes mindful, when we recognise the fact that not everything about us is palatable even when the other party is not complaining.
The reason you do many side chicks is because you seek happiness that has remained elusive. But happiness will remain elusive to whoever seeks it elsewhere but within.
Whatever sense of fulfillment you can’t give yourself cannot come from another. A man’s manliness is not dependent on the disposition of his wife towards him or how many ‘side chicks’ fawn over him. It is an inside job!
I admit that sometimes, we meet someone whose disposition speaks the language we understand irrespective of marital status. But frolicking with ‘side chicks’ is nothing short of gallantly feeding your weakness!
Credit: Chukwuneta Oby, Punch