The points I picked from a man’s message to me (recently), were… They have been married for about 12 years with children.
The wife seems to mind his closeness to the mum. His wife is a loner and doesn’t like associating with others.
Getting her to attend occasions with him is often declined. He attends some of his social engagements with his mother.
In his words, “my wife hates going anywhere she will meet or exchange pleasantries with people.”
‘’Inherently stubborn’’ was how he also described her.
She uses sex as a weapon unless she is the one in the mood. His wife’s disposition towards sex has pushed him into extra-marital affairs with different ‘side-chicks’ for about nine years now. He senses a lack of respect and loyalty in his wife.
In his words, “she doesn’t give me that sense of respect at home.’’ He is a successful businessman.
My response to him…
It’s okay to be oneself but for the sake of a spouse, it helps to be less rigid. That is the only way harmony will perpetuate in a marriage.
At the same time, be considerate of the other’s personality. And try not to make ‘drawing them out of their comfort zone’ a habit. It doesn’t show thoughtfulness on your part. You don’t have to drag her everywhere, just because others are bringing their spouses. Thoughtfulness on your part is considering how such environments impact on her comfort level.
Research has shown that there is a PHOBIA for every imaginable situation in life. You don’t yet know if your woman’s aversion to ‘socialising’ is some kind of phobia.
Everyone has flaws. But if you love someone, you learn to walk around their weakness. You don’t let it stand between you two. Anything more will be like attempting to bend a dry fish which will just break.
Most times when you know what their reaction to an issue would be leave it alone. Or you change strategy.
That way, you are saving yourself from needless stress. People who adopt this strategy are no fools. They have just realised the difference between necessary and needless stress. It’s pointless trying to change an adult.
Sometimes, the problem lies in manner of approach. You need to work on how you approach her on certain issues.
Some people are extremely sensitive to ‘manner of approach.’ Of all the dispositions to be careful not to emit (in marriage) is coercion, bossy, as well as ’threatening.’ For goodness sake, you are dealing with an ADULT, whose disposition (on if or not to comply) depends on their state of mind. Or even the hormone (at work) in the case of a majority of women.
You should also realise that people who keep to themselves a lot mostly live in their heads.
What that means is this…
They read meanings into everything, they over think things, and repeatedly replaying (analysing) scenarios in their minds.
That is simply how they expend their emotional energy.
There are energies you expend through mingling with others. And/or keeping active social engagements.
People who make friends easily tend to let things go quickly. The outside engagements are therapeutic to their emotional health.
It’s not so with someone who lives in their head most of the time. There are no outside forces to dilute the intensity of what goes on in their head. They are also easily threatened by rival settings.
Unfortunately, it has the tendency to make them ‘not very happy’ people because life is not meant to be lived in extremes. What brings harmony to life is BALANCE!
A little bit of exchanging energy (relating) with outside forces helps clear the mind. Such energies help to dilute the intensity of what’s happening in your head.
Credit: Chukwuneta Oby, Punch