Less than a week after public acrimony, a Nollywood actor and his wife made a show of ‘all is now well.’
But in an interview that he granted to the media afterwards, the actor made it clear that he still would not eat his wife’s food.
Part of the problem of most troubled marriages is that the eagerness to save face is often stronger than the desire to really go through the process of wholehearted reconciliation and healing.
The fight that found its way outside the four walls of your home took a while to simmer and is therefore not what a face-value reconciliation can fix.
There’s a need for guided counselling, therapy and more room for healing because a pain of the heart has been perpetuated!
A husband you accused publicly of sleeping with his daughter (adopted or not) isn’t going to stop feeling hurt in a matter of days, weeks or even months later.
The wife you ‘eyed’ publicly as a possible source of the ‘poison’ that found its way to your body will not get over the hurt in a matter of days.
Except your life is in danger and you are crying out for help, I am yet to understand what laundering your troubled marriage publicly achieves!
When I come across such settings, I see two angry people who are trying hard to outdo each other with hurt.
Most of the words they hurl at each other, I hold with a pinch of salt.
It is better to bear the pain of holding back the tongue than letting yourself run loose with hurtful words, you will end up living with someone who only remembers those hurtful things when they set their eyes on you.
There’s no way you can repair intimacy with someone who is incapable of getting over your hurtful words to them.
People should learn to quit a marriage they deem irredeemable honourably.
No matter how it pans out with anybody, the urge to throw mud at them publicly should never be greater than the willpower to walk away honourably.
The actor said all through his hospitalisation, the wife only visited him once and during that visit, she was busy asking for money, which he gave her. And she kept demanding more money.
This is what I mean each time I tell men that when a woman (who has become resentful…probably as a result of your excesses) decides to present the other side of herself in marriage, you don’t ever get over the regret of meeting her!
He said she never visited him in the hospital again.
The actor has always made clear the special relationship he shares with his daughter, a setting the wife met on ground when she became a part of their lives and even accepted.
I don’t know why most women turn around to fight such settings!
Being married to someone does not make you their ‘happy place’.
Concentrate on the good they bring to the marital table and get busy with your life.
Believe it or not, the average adult doesn’t make anyone their ‘happy place’ out of the blues.
That energy is often channelled towards those who feel like home to us.
The actor actually admitted that this was his fifth marriage.
When it becomes a third, fourth and so on marriage, I don’t encourage anybody to “put head”.
What I advise people with multiple failed marriages to do is to focus on relationships that are big on companionship and not necessarily marriage.
Most people that are not cut out for marriage are often the last to come to that realisation. And by then, so much hurt/pain would have trailed their path.
So, when you see a pattern that conflicts with your values in anybody, think of your mental health first before getting involved.
Credit: Chukwuneta Oby