My response to her was ‘men are not always in the mood’ for lack of a better answer. Sometimes, the ‘right words’ fail even a wordsmith.
Otherwise, her concern is one that numerous ladies have continually expressed. “How does a man switch off (and then, on) on a spouse effortlessly?,” she asked me.
We all have mood swings but when “being happy one day and distant or withdrawn the next day” is habitual in a partner, it becomes emotionally draining to deal.
It is not everyone that has the mental strength to stick it out until ‘you are in the mood’ again. Nothing drives loneliness in a woman like having a spouse that ‘switches off and on’ in her hands.
Only a mentally tough woman that copes with such settings because her life is colourful enough. When he ‘switches off, she gets busy elsewhere. And when he is himself again, they continue from where ‘the love’ stopped.
Pray to STILL meet an emotionally fragile woman available when you crawl out of your abyss. These are fine lines that people are not conscious of in relationships, these days.
I understand that with mood swings, one may not realise when they are at it. It’s just as important to learn how to let ourselves relate consciously.
Some people are not aware of how DISTANT they can be to loved ones. People get tired of always ‘understanding,’ you know especially with a fellow who seems relaxed on their shortcomings?
This is actually an ABUSIVE tendency in anybody! Even an understanding spouse will hit the spot of ‘not caring anymore’ when thoughtlessness lingers. Once an otherwise understanding spouse hits that spot, it becomes hard to get them back on the same page with you because they have disengaged emotionally.
When most people disengage to find themselves, they don’t look back. It’s not about you anymore. But that sudden realisation that they deserve better!
May this also come to mind when people insist that a successful relationship entails a 50/50 effort from all parties. It simply will not always turn out that way. People grapple with varied internal STRUGGLES; struggles that can make nurturing (even) basic relationships challenging. Those are just part of what ‘living life and being human’ entails. It really has nothing to do with the spouse not being good enough or doing something wrong.
It just means that they are STRUGGLING to find harmony within even if they don’t voice it.
As a matter of fact, most of us deal with our internal struggles in silence. Sometimes, you don’t even understand “what’s off balance’’ in you.
At such moments, it behoves the other party to uphold the union. And that may require them putting MORE into the relationship. Even when ALL that could come from the other party is about 20 per cent.
I only advise that people do not relax on their weaknesses because someone takes it all in. Make concerted efforts to get over yourself for the sake of your happiness and harmony in your home.
Don’t always give in when ‘that mood’ threatens to descend on you. Seek professional help. Devise ways to keep yourself in check. Distract yourself with some uplifting endeavours.
Even if it entails undertaking physical activities that can make you sweat, go for a long walk/swim. Go to the gym. Take a long cold bath. Juice some fruits or prepare a delicacy that will task your imagination. Play with children, it’s therapeutic!
Watch cartoons. Play music. Pray.
Not every infidelity is occasioned by material greed or sexual adventure. Many married persons seek emotional succour in the arms of strangers in the virtual world now. Some even rekindle ‘familiarity’ with their ex (es). Frankly, your spouse should never feel lonely, if you can help it!
Credit: Chukwuneta Oby, Punch