This message came from a man who (in reaction to my article) chose to graciously tell his story.
The man said, “Most women don’t find it funny when a man insists on not dating a woman that already has children but if the men that have gone through such experiences tell you their story, you will not blame them at all, for their decision. I was so traumatised by my own experience with my late wife (whom I accepted her daughter from a previous marriage as mine) that it is unthinkable for me to touch such reality again, even if loneliness is killing me. My late wife came along with a daughter the same age as my daughter, who is the fruit of a previous relationship.
“When we met, I sought to know the actual role of the father of the girl in the picture but my late wife claimed she couldn’t trace the father of her daughter. I was convinced. I took the girl in and trained her in school from JSS1 up to finals at a private university, the same school my own daughter attended. One day, I visited them (both our daughters) at school and met a man who was a male version of my step-daughter. Same complexion, hair, nose bridges, ear lobes etc.
“What!? Then, my own daughter told me that the man has been visiting my step-daughter from when they were in JSS1. Anyway, I took his number and also snapped pictures with him and my step-daughter. When I got back home, I called my late wife’s attention to the picture. Her reaction was even more shocking! She went into convulsion mode, then ran into the room and locked herself up. And I heard her screaming on the phone while talking to my mother in-law. She could have let me know from inception that her daughter’s father was in touch with her and honestly, I would have had no issues with that.
“Meanwhile her daughter never liked me and didn’t hide it, even from my own child, despite the fact that I was financially responsible for her welfare and education. Our marriage remained but I didn’t stop wondering about other lies that I might have been fed! After that traumatising experience, I vowed not to get involved with other people’s children.”
From Oby
Men who were unfortunate to be hooked by women whose sleeves are full of desperate motives, don’t heal from the trauma in a lifetime.
Do you know that some childless marriages are not really infertility problems or spiritual problems but settings that have women who are well past their natural fertility windows but lied they are still 30 years old to the man? Is that not evil?
Truthfulness is not natural with many women and the more desperate one is, the easier it becomes to weave their lives in untruthfulness. What drives many men crazy is not a woman’s circumstances but the lies told about such. A lot of the miserable marriages that some women found themselves in are situations they bought with their own lies.
You will always miscalculate (and then pay dearly for it) with lies. How much HAPPINESS/PEACE can a lie really buy you? Why is it hard to realise that TRUTHFULNESS is what will lead you to your destiny?
Lies will only truncate your life journey. What you buy with LIES is your obsession (which frustrates in the end) and NOT true love. Can TRUTHFULNESS become the new conversation? If you learn to leave it all in God’s hands, the interest to hustle for it with lies will not be there. The TRUTH is what will guarantee God’s grace in that journey. You don’t need what YOUR TRUTH cannot bring you!
Credit: Chukwuneta Oby