I’m starting this discourse with an experience that a lady shared with me recently.
Read her, “I was a university undergraduate when we met. He was incredibly funny and handsome. He was on his way to becoming a lawyer. And was on one of those their ‘’attachments’’ in the city. I felt he was someone I could look up to.He was in his mid-thirties. We met as often as his schedule allowed. When his “attachment’’ was over, he invited me to his place for a function. And I attended. Some weeks after, I became sick and approached a pharmacist friend for malaria treatment. He took just one look at me and declared that I needed to undergo a pregnancy test. My heart sank!
We were doing ‘’withdrawal’’ for God’s sake! And I told the pharmacist so. He chuckled and said ‘’wetin want enter don enter finish before una withdraw unaself.’’ I was living with my uncle. How will I face my family, especially my strict-church-mother? The pregnancy test was positive. I wasted no time in contacting my lover. I called him several times and he didn’t pick up. So, I sent an SMS, detailing what happened. I screenshot the pregnancy test and send it to him. He never called me back but he did reply to the SMS. His response was, ‘’I can never be caught in your torn net. You had better go and take care of yourself.” I cried me a river. But thank God for big sisters, who understand. I am blessed with one.
“I reached out to her immediately and the first declaration she made was “you will do nothing to that baby. Leave the responsibilities to me. We will be fine.’’ That’s how my big sister started taking extra job shifts in Europe to support me and the baby. Before the pregnancy started showing, she paid for me to move into a comfortable apartment. Going through a pregnancy alone at that stage in my life was most challenging to my emotions but thanks to my sister’s unflinching support, the suicidal thoughts that threatened to engulf me were overcame. My brothers said that I had gone to the city to become an “ashawo.’’ I never heard from my lawyer-lover again! To cut this VERY long story short. Some years later, I was at a function with my family and felt a tap on my shoulders.
“Guess who that was? The lawyer! He said he had been looking at me and the children from across the hall. And what struck him was the young girl who seemed a replica of his late mum.
“And then he asked ‘’is that OUR baby’’? My response was “I don’t know what you’re talking about. This ‘’torn net’’ has caught a bigger fish. Move on.’’ He started laughing as I walked away. He contacted me on Facebook a few days later with apologies. Said he’s been torn with guilt but didn’t know how to reach out. Also said he’s married with two children (all boys) and concluded with, “let me know if our girl needs anything,’’
“I told him that I prefer he respects my wish not to contact me again. What I didn’t find necessary to tell him is that I now have a family. Yes, a husband and two more kids. When I met my husband, one of the things he made clear to me before we got married is that he wouldn’t want any man to walk into our lives someday to disrupt the bond he has with the child. Another move he made was to formally adopt the girl. One time we had issues and she heard about it, do you know what she said to me, ‘Nobody should kill my daddy for me o.’ That’s how close they are’’
Credit: Chukwuneta Oby