A man’s recent message to me read, “My wife is increasingly becoming confrontational with my parents and siblings and when I try to caution her, she would accuse me of not being man enough to protect her. The worst part of all these is that nothing she complains about them is concrete enough to warrant her excesses towards them. I don’t know if it’s my silence or love for her that she is taking for granted.
“Our children went over to my parents for the holiday. They were there from Friday morning to Tuesday morning, and they went with our domestic help. Before I knew what was going on, my wife had driven to my parents’ house to confront my mother over the preferential treatment she was alleged to have given to the children of my two sisters that also came for holiday.”
The man’s message continued, “When I asked her how she came to that conclusion, she told me that our domestic help told her how my mum paid attention to the children of my sisters and barely looked at our own children. Yet, our children did not confirm they were treated differently from their cousins.
“My father was so miffed by my wife’s audacity that he called a family meeting. Yet, my wife got there and instead of showing remorse, she opened her mouth again…talking about how my parents behaved as if their daughters are better than everyone ‘because they are doctor and lawyer’. My father, who couldn’t believe what he was witnessing, kept shaking his head and muttering “it’s unfortunate; very unfortunate.”
He continued, “Honestly, I thought I married a lively and easy-going lady. I don’t know when my wife became this petty, seeing trouble everywhere. Recently, I told her that my sister was stopping by our house to see the children before proceeding to my parents’ house. This was information I gave her a few days to my sister’s visit. But, on that day, my wife left the house for her shop. As soon as my sister arrived, my wife showed up in the house, she said welcome to my sister, went into the bedroom for a few minutes and left again.
“When she came back that evening, I confronted her. Her response was that she decided not to bother herself since it was me (and not her) that my sister informed about her visit. Is it wrong that my sister informed me (and not my wife) that she was visiting?
“One other bad behaviour my wife has is that she never calls my sisters to say thank you for all the things they buy for our children. Whenever they are visiting my parents, they dutifully stop by our house to see our children and give them gifts. But, my wife claims they are buying those things for the children and not her and therefore, she doesn’t owe them any thanks.”
The person who sent the message continued, “I will be lying if I tell you that I am still looking forward to the rest of this marriage, if it has to come at the expense of my peace of mind. It’s like every week, my wife has a new complaint about my mother and sisters.
“The other day, she ran into the room and started complaining that my mum posts only the pictures of my sisters’ children on her WhatsApp status and concluded that my mum should have not bothered posting any pictures at all, if she wouldn’t include those of all the children.
“I am the only son of my family and I believe they are tolerating her excesses due to their love and respect for me. It’s not that they are afraid of her. I am tired of talking and preaching. I don’t know if the right thing at this point is to separate.”
Credit: Chukwuneta Oby