A comment on one of my posts on Facebook got me thinking seriously.
It reads, “The worst thing that can happen to a lady in Nigeria is to be a divorcee because you eventually turn to other men’s property.
“No one will take you serious (ly). They will only use you and drop you -quite unlike a single lady who has chances to become the first or second wife.”
There is no doubt that a similarity to this mindset perpetuates in this environment.
Yet, such ‘social withdrawal’ isn’t actually restricted to female divorcees.
Single mothers and (even) widows are no exceptions, either. And that’s because most of our men are not so ‘embracing’ of a broken woman.
Being a broken woman (divorcee, widow or a single mother) is emotionally tasking in this environment.
As it’s even people’s ‘awkwardness of attitude’ towards you that is most likely to let you down than your story.
The ‘eligible’ young men are not often experienced in handling a woman with baggage (children, previous marriage, etc). An affair is more like it for them and expecting anything more from them will be to your own disappointment. The ones that could have handled things better are mostly taken. And can only offer you ‘part time love’ if you are a side chic.
I am not saying there are no exceptional men o but most would want to ‘chop and clean mouth’ with you.
Sometimes, I think it’s about their concern of how others will see them (being involved with a ‘has been’?) than how they really feel deep down.
So, most important in all these is how the woman in the picture sees and carries herself because ‘small minds’ (who think no better of a woman, regardless of her circumstances) abound.
Do you submit yourself as a ‘play thing’ for every man seeking some ‘pleasurable distraction’ out there?
Do you also think your story has reduced your value (as a woman) and ‘luck’ is when ‘any’ man looks your way?
Yes, there are predominant societal sentiments (often occasioned by ignorance) but all of those will remain ‘background music’ compared to the ‘tag’ you (yes, you…woman!) place on yourself.
Only the tag you place on yourself can determine the course of the rest of your life.
I am not one to advise any woman to settle for less than she actually wants for herself.
By the way, I find it particularly insulting that a woman can be regarded as ‘other men’s property.’
Funny, the lofty ideas that some men in this clime seem to have of themselves.
Even the ones with heavier baggage seem to have a choice here!
I keep saying this. Some people are widely travelled but their mindsets are still stuck in a rut.
The most important ‘travel’ is the one you do with your mind. At least, you will gain an open mind and begin to see life beyond your nose. And probably learn to relate to people as they come.
Only with an open mind would you begin to handle people on ‘individual’ merits.
Who said a woman with a baggage can’t become a good wife/mother or shouldn’t get another chance at love?
Do you know that a woman’s character far outweighs her story?
And that life can happen to anybody? Even the marriage you think you have today could be in shambles tomorrow. You know, right?
Most important (again!), is that (quote) really the sentiments of every man or just those of some ‘small minds.’
The ‘small minds’ will probably have a heart attack when they learn of men (of substance not just ‘any’ man) who did not only make an honest woman of a broken woman but also went ahead to give her an enviable life.
Credit: Chukwuneta Oby, Punch. Image: Twitter
Ma’am…Though I understand your point but I think the issue is three fold, mostly religious, regional and culturally, and terminology centered!
Religious, stems from the fact that our people (men) tend to look to the “bible” and “Joseph.” Since Joseph, as old as he was, was able to marry Mary, a younger unmarried lady, our men in that society often see that as a model.
Regional, that nonsense attitude towards single ladies with child(ren) only happens in Africa in general and Nigeria in particular.
Cultural, our men have gotten it into their conscience and psychic that they always want women that do not have children. They want children they can call their own…biological. This trend doesn’t happen in developed countries. When a man finds a woman, you don’t know whether she has children or not and may not care.
Finally, your terminology of these women as…”broken women,” is inadvertently part of the problem. These women are not “broken” and should not be regarded or looked at that way. Their past circumstances should not matter a lot…unless of course, they killed their husband(s) or boyfriend(s). So, let’s not regard these women as broken.