Here’s my response to last week’s message.
In every phase of life, we must find the courage to confront an inevitable end when it happens.
Believe it or not, what is happening with your girl is one of such ends. It simply means that her journey under your watch will never be the same again. There must have been hints of her desire “not to remain under your roof” but those of us that are too emotionally attached to a reality are usually the last to read such writings on the wall.
If this girl had sneaked out JUST for the party, my advice would be different. But for her to have carefully selected and taken out all her belongings, she has grown bigger than your roof.
Her belongings were most likely taken out of the house long before she ran away. The “overnight” party was just an excuse.
By all means, make her and her people know you have forgiven her. But that inevitable end to her being under your primary care has happened.
She is now her own woman. The education account that was set up for her, keep dispensing it to her. She will probably need to find a job or something to augment whatever help that flows from your end to her, anyway.
Betrayal of this nature is hard to put behind you just like that especially when you have been good to the other party.
But it is what it is. If you want to keep bitterness at bay, remember also the good turn she has shown you unconditionally.
You can’t put certain misbehaviour past the influence of greedy parents. And when parents are the enablers, you don’t stand a chance. There’s something about most children that makes them believe their BIOLOGICAL parents know better.
You have to be strong and let her move on with her life. Your life does not revolve around her. She has probably learned how to sustain herself in school, maybe from your business ideas which is smart of her.
God will count it in your favour that you deposited your gifting in a life. Our talents are not meant to die with us. The way she left you won’t be easy to forget. Try to take things one step at a time. You will get over the disappointment.
When they grow like that, they seek freedom at all cost. So let her move on with her life. When they leave your safety nest harshly, don’t be in a haste to grant them a soft landing. Let her be brave and face whatever she sees out there. Such experiences will MATURE her with time.
Bite the bullet of doing without her around the house once and for all. Get used to her complete absence and gradually move on. There is no experience that life does not use to toughen us up.
DO NOT grant her a soft landing. I repeat! Let her experience FREEDOM in full. With time, her relationship with you will normalise again but that is when she knows better.
And even at that, the phase of living under your roof would have long been a closed chapter. She can only visit.
Any chance you get, though chip in a few words of “be careful out there.” It’s the least you owe her. Don’t see what may harm her and close your eyes “to teach her a lesson.’’
A mother should never tire of beaming the torchlight on a dark path. I want to believe she’s been taught safe sex and all, by now?
Frankly, take this as an inevitable end. Such ends are bound to happen someday. And they don’t always happen according to our dictates. Or even wish. But they also make you stronger.
Credit: Chukwuneta Oby