When a man is done with a relationship, he’s done. He may not look like he’s even lacing up his boots, yet he might have left you weeks ago. So, a girl needs to know how to read the signs and what to do. Unlike women who are sentimental about such stuff calling it quits with a relationship that is going nowhere, men are logical beings.
If they want out, they head for the door. Some try to be nice about it, not that I think there’s a nice way to dump a girl, but a man who is through with a woman is through. Trying to stop him most of the time is a waste of time and energy. When a man finds himself in a tight corner, the first person he looks out for is his great self. He may not set out to hurt but that is what happens when someone gets dumped. The dumper is more hurt than the ‘dumpee’, if you get my meaning. I guess that is why the stench from all dump sites is always so terrible. Dumping is simply bad business.
So, how do you know if you are being dumped or if you are the ‘dumpee’ even this minute? First, let us all agree that not all relationships end up in ‘I do’. Many actually end up in ‘I don’t’. If a man no longer wants to ‘do’, you will do well, my sister, to learn to let him go. Not that you can stop him if he’s eyeing the door anyway but it is easier on the ‘dumpee’ if she holds a meeting with her heart and head and they resolve not to cause a scene over the dumping.
Here’s one way to know you are no longer what you used to be to your man. He will stop asking for elaborate explanations about your movements. If he used to check on you three times between the time you left the office and the time you got home and all he asks these days is ‘how was your day?’and then he nicely changes the subject when you attempt to give him the full gist, let the romance light in your head move from green to amber. If you tell him you have a dinner to attend after work and all he says is okay without asking who is hosting the dinner, the venue and what you are wearing, you are losing grip. As far as he’s concerned, you can go jump in the acid lake.
He will also stop giving you elaborate explanations about his life and movements too. If you see a girl in his car and stop him, if he is a nice dumper, he will stop, say hello and tell you he is in a hurry. Note: he did not introduce the girl or tell the girl who you are. Count yourself lucky he stopped and keep the amber light on in your head. You are no longer as important as you used to be. Or did you actually believe the I’m-in-a-hurry story?
If you have already met a few members of his family, put your thinking cap on if you sense unease in the air when next you visit. Watch out for the smiles that do not reach their eyes, the pitying looks and the almost audible sigh of relief when you tell them you are leaving. Poor folks, they like you but the dumper has introduced another girl to them and told them he was done with you.
When a man begins to make himself unavailable and unapproachable, he’s telling the woman who thinks she is still in his life the deal is off. If you were spending the weekends together and now there is always something keeping him busy every weekend, don’t ignore the alarm ringing behind your left ear. You want to go to his apartment and see things for yourself? Great idea, you will most likely find what you are looking for, your replacement.
If the man who, once upon a time, could not keep his hands and eyes off you behind every closed door (office, car and kitchen doors inclusive) suddenly looks at you in lingerie, adjusts his glasses and returns to his laptop or iPad, you are on your way to the dumpsite, most likely. I’m assuming you had a great sex life, of course. Now, he sees you in the shower and he’s still walking normal, not adjusting his zipper or joining you, ah? There is cause for alarm and concern, believe me.
You used to call each other like 10 times a day and now it has dwindled to one call a day or fizzled out altogether, you are a ‘dumpee’ waiting for certification. That man has moved on, I suggest you do too. Yes, in my capacity as the Chairman, National Assembly Joint Committee on Intimate Affairs.
*Funke Egbemode, now a Commissioner in Osun State published this essay in 2013.